On the Meaning of Life, Dying and Death

On the Meaning of Life, Dying and Death
              - by Bobby Sagra

Oh, that my steps might be steady,
keeping to the course you set;
Then I'd never have any regrets
in comparing my life with your counsel.

         - Psalm 119:5-6

   It is now the Fall Season and it is a beautiful time of the year.
My mind still ponders on the recent experience that happened in the facility for the elderly that my wife and I are working.
Last September 29, in the early afternoon, Don, one of our hospice patients gasped his last breath and passed on to the next life.  At the moment of his death those present were his wife Joanne, the two attending nurses and myself doing the spiritual prayers and commendation of his soul to his Maker.  It was a peaceful, quiet and calm dying for him, like a falling leaf in Autumn, his body settled on the ground of life and his soul soar back to the Author of creation.

   The day before his death, I was able to cut his fingernails, my wife was able to give him something to eat for breakfast and I gave him his last sip of coffee.  Few hours before his death, I was able to gave him a shave, cleaned him up and put on a new T-shirt and underwear.  In short, we did everything to prepare him.  He breathed his last at the very moment when I was saying the final prayers for him.  His wife said to me later, "that is the last thing he has been waiting for."  Now, what is left in the room he stayed for about one year is silence and emptiness and the still gentle breeze of the morning air.  It was full moon during the night that Don passed away.  I took some time to water our roses in front of the house and took a glance at the moon.  My soul has found a rest in the contemplation that like the moon in its fullness, our lives on earth slowly ebbs away and loses its light in the cosmos when the moment comes.

Even without my saying it, my heart grieves whenever someone to whom I have been a part of passed on to the next life.  The beauty and art of what my wife and I are doing here is that we take care of those who are at the brink of dying and consummation of their lives.  Each day, we try to make them feel loved, cherished and cared for in a very special way.  This is their last chance to make a breakthrough in what St. Elizabeth of the Trinity counseled, "Let yourself be loved."  While being compensated fairly in doing this job, our greatest investment is along the spiritual lines of doing our task with love and special care, to give joy and satisfaction to these God's children waiting for their final hour on earth.

   However small and humble is the task that we are doing, I tell my wife that the key is to see Jesus in the poor we serve and care for Him in each of the persons of these elderly Americans.  It is in the gospel of St. Matthew, Chapter  25 on the account about the  last judgment that Jesus was very clear and strong in saying that "Truly, I say to you, as you did it to one of my least brethren, you did it to me." ( Mt. 25:40)  My wife and I are glad that we are in the very site of the Kingdom of God where every day we serve the poor, the sick, the elderly and the dying as we lift them up out of the bed in the morning, bathe them, groom them,clothe them, give them something to eat and drink, entertain them and stay with them during the day, bring them to bed at night and cover their bodies with sheets and blankets.  There is nothing great or grand in what we are doing because they are the usual ordinary things that most people in the Philippines and other poor Asian countries manage to do for their elderly at home.  But here, while the poor economic situation is still trending, this is the job God has given us to do to earn our living and help our folks at home, but in the finding of the meaning and purpose of what we do, our eyes have a glimpse of heaven, our hearts have a treasured and lingering joy, our souls have found consolation in the peaceful, happy and contented faces of our residents.

   Life is a series of confrontation of many realities, including old age and dying.  While still younger, yet getting older too it is good to pause and reflect on what is really we are up to here on earth?  As the cycle of life continues, as the seasons come and go, as the days keep adding up to our years, what is it that gives true joy and meaning.  Maybe for some, the fulfillment of the American dream of having a good job, a decent house, a nice car and good standing in relationship with others are enough to arrive at the feeling of  happiness and satisfaction.  True success and contentment in life do not only lie in gaining whatever material gadgets to enjoy and be proud of, but it is giving and sharing one's life for others.  There is a kernel of wisdom in the saying that, "it is not what you get that counts, it is what you give away, you keep what you give up."  There is nothing wrong with becoming secure, comfortable and stable for that is the result of hard earned labor through the years, but if having acquired some kind of stability, one becomes indifferent and callous in being sensitive and responsive to love God's poor in our society, all the things we consider our possessions become only some sort of vanity and status, if not gloated selfishness and greed.  In the Kingdom of God, the true heirs of heavenly home are those who while remaining poor and ordinary, their hearts are rich with loving and caring, their eyes are clear to see their neighbors' needs, their ears are happy to hear someone's voice crying out for help.

While wrestling for the answer to the question about life, dying and death, during that day that Don died in our residential care facility, I checked our calendar of biblical quotes and on September 29, lo and behold, these words are written:

"Unless a grain of wheat is buried in the ground, dead to the world, it is never any more than a grain of wheat.  But if it is buried, it sprouts and reproduces itself many times over.  In the same way, anyone who holds on to life just as it is destroys that life.  But if you let it go, reckless in your love, you'll have it forever, real and eternal." (John 12:24-25)

   Don gave up his last breath of life while I was ministering to him.  As I contemplate on that moment now, he also ministered to my soul by the witness of his courage to give up his life and let it go.  The asceticism of giving up something, or some place or some community or family or someone and letting the experience go is an experience of dying itself.  The many series of giving up and letting go prepare each one of us for that moment of dying and giving up of our life.  May God give us the wisdom today to treasure every moment and keep the spirit of giving up and letting go become a daily discipline, so that like Don, we can gain the courage to give up and let go in the end.

My Idea of God

  

   Everything is God' expression of Himself as love.  My conception in the womb of my mother, my birth, my childhood, my young life, my adult life, every place, every person I came in contact with, every experience...is a manifestation in human form of that consistent thread, "God is love."
   Yes, for reasons beyond my own limited understanding, life has been unfair on few occasions, which left me with the mistaken feeling of being neglected and being improperly cared for and nurtured.  God, after all is a loving Father, a caring Mother in the vortex of my life.  My needs early on as a child were provided for and I grew up healthy and strong in a town deeply rooted in religion, intellectual pursuits and professionalism.  Out of the abundance of the love of God in my life, I have been blessed and gifted with intelligence, wit and talents for me to have all the coping up mechanisms to make it in real life irregardless of people, places and circumstances around me.
   God is truly love.  God is the flapping yellow butterfly, the singing bird of my awakening, the soaring eagle of my hopes and dreams.  God is the consolation and reprieve of my deepest hurts and pains, the sure and comforting refuge of my tiresome journey.  When I am having those moments when I am down and troubled and I need some help, God comes to me in many disguises.  I receive a letter of encouragement, get a phone call, get a visit from a friend, eat something to be happy about life a "halo-halo" (mixed fruits in ice), a beautiful view of the full moon or the red sunset, etc.  Through the many crossroads of  life, the expressions of the love of God I have the been blessed to experience were wonderful, colorful and amazing.  In my life now, God never ceases to amuse me.  God has brought me to many beautiful places around the world and in every place came along beautiful and wonderful friends and acquaintances. 
   In Italy, where I stayed for two good and exciting years, I have been given a new name, "Amato" which means beloved of God.  In this spiritual name I see the  purpose of my whole life, seeing my life in all the absurdity of the past, the joy of the present and promise of the future in the context of God loving me until the end.  Having received so much loved, I am glad to share God's love to others in every possible way.  Even the most painful of my experiences has been made holy in the covenant of God's love in my life.  My very breath, my very skin and color, my own personality is handcrafted in the very fine and subtle fabric of God's love.  What else can a Master Craftsman produce, if not a masterpiece for His delight and glory?
   Recently, my life has been full of the most pleasant surprises.  I got married to a very lovely and wonderful person.  I became a U.S. citizen in June,2010.  I was able to join a big international convention in San Antonio, Texas in July, 2010.  I was able to become an editor of an international newsletter called World Hello.  My wife and I got the opportunity to move to New Jersey and visit New York City and Atlantic City.  We became much closer in understanding and loving one another despite of unavoidable differences.  Each time we pray, our needs are met and new opportunities come alight.
   Today, I allow myself some quiet time to immerse once again in the depths and wonder of God's love.  I feel in a very real way the great rejuvenation of my inner being, a healing transformation of my manhood, a recurring relaxation of my mind and a prevailing serenity of spirit.  Deep within, besides some minor health issues I am happy and at peace.  I have found the One my soul was longing for in my heartfelt knowledge of the love of God.
   God's love is like a cascading waterfall when it comes to my life in many simple, unique and goose bumps moments.  It comes very real in times when I am able to give myself out of love to someone.  Once, when I was still a Benedictine monk I attended a Regional Charismatic Conference in Glorieta, New Mexico.  In that gathering I volunteered to work for children.  A nun was handling a teaching session and she asked the children if they celebrate their birthdays.  Everyone raised their hands except one boy of about ten years old.  At the end of the session there was a break and I saw the boy's mom with her boy.  I introduced myself to them and spent some time to talk with them.  I found out that the boy's father left them when he was still in the womb of his mom.  The mother asked me to explain to the boy how it happened.  I talked to the boy and told him how at a very young age I was taken away from my parents by my grandmother and I grew up without real parental supervision.  I told him, he was much luckier than I am because he has his mom always besides him.  In that moment, tears rolled down from our eyes as I embraced both the mother and the boy.  There are many other occasions in my life where I felt God is so close to me and also feel the joy and peace that surpasses understanding.  Love and joy come along each time I get out of myself to love another person.  God is no longer just an idea.  He comes fully alive and present in each work of love done and completed.
   

Healing Redemptive Love

Healing Redemptive Love

"LOVE REDEEMS. DESPITE all the lovelessness that surrounds us, nothing has been able to block our longing for love, the intensity of our yearning.  The understanding that love redeems appears to be a resilient aspect of the heart's knowledge.  The healing power of redemptive love lures us and calls us toward the possibility of healing.  We cannot for the presence of the heart's knowledge.  Like all great mysteries, we are all mysteriously called to love no matter the conditions of our lives, the degree of our depravity or despair.  The persistence of this call gives us reason to hope.  Without hope, we cannot return to love.  Breaking our sense of isolation and opening up the window of opportunity, hope provides us with a reason to go forward.  It is a practice of positive thinking.  Being positive, living in a permanent state of hopelessness, renews the spirit.  Renewing our faith in love's promise, hope is our covenant."

                                                                      -  ALL ABOUT LOVE
                                                                         BY BELL HOOKS

Personal Reflection/Insight:
   During the week, most especially at those moments when I was not feeling well due to some physical pain, I took time to think back of my past experiences, making a quick survey how complicated and difficult those moments when I was longing and searching for possible breakthrough of hope.  Then love nestled gently like the rains of early spring in my heart's desert place.  Then and there, I was strengthened, renewed and rejuvenated by uncontainable feelings for another human being.  
   Being married and in a committed love relationship now, at times I pause and look at this person whom God has given me to share my life with.  And to be honest, I am still mesmerized my the mystery and beauty of God reflected in her, the kindness of heart, the comely appearance, the gentle voice, the hearty laughter, the healing hands.  Despite the humble situation we are in our place under the sun, we take it moment by moment to continue to share, care and love one another.  love truly makes life exciting and bearable to live, especially when you share it with the one God has chosen for you.
   The healing process and love's redeeming power comes piece by piece in the daily small gestures of thoughtfulness, understanding, concern and hope for the better promise of tomorrow.  Henri Nouwen's image of the wounder healer comes again in a poignant way.  Struck and wounded by love's error searching in the past, now we become angels of hope, friends of peace, healers of love for each other.  At the resurrection, no wonder why Jesus was so spontaneous in showing his wounded hands, feet and heart to his fearful disciples.  He witnessed to them the true courageous, brave and pure power of love.  He still loves each of them and all of us despite the pain and the death He suffered out of love.  In being apostles of love, we can also be resurrected redeemers of a world bereft of love as it is truly is.

Ships Returning Home

ships returning

                                      home

   We all are ships returning home laden with
life's experiences, memories of work, good times
and sorrows, each with his special cargo;
  And it is our common lot to show the marks
of the voyage, here a shattered prow, there 
a patched rigging, and every hulk turned black 
by the unceasing batter of the restless wave.
  May we be thankful for fair weather and smooth
seas, and in times of storm have the courage
and patience that mark every good mariner;
  And, over all, may we have the cheering hope
of joyful meetings, as our ship at last drops anchor
in the still water of the eternal harbor.

                               - Max Ehrmann
                                 The Desiderata of Faith

Personal Comment & Reflection:
  The image of coming home is a very ordinary life phenomenon.  Part of man's restlessness of being is that he is always on a certain quest, on a journey, or going out even to far and unknown places to find food for his family and meaning for his life.  Coming home is the easier and relaxing part and as Max Ehrmann said like ships we return home bringing with us our experiences.  It is not just physical coming home, it can also be spiritual.  Each of us has a spiritual abode, the Kingdom of God within.  Prayer is the way for this coming home and writing too.  As we bring our experiences of the day in prayer, we stand or simply sit humbly before God, knowing that every moment lived with awareness and a listening heart becomes a road to a holy walk with God at every juncture of our life's experience.  Out of the depths of our inner longings, joys and hopes, we echo to our ever loving and listening God our songs of praise, our cry for forgiveness, our acceptance of people, things and situations and our aspirations for better days ahead.  Yes, as we come home to God in prayer, we also come home to our true self, God's apple of His loving eyes!

                                       -  Bobby Parian Sagra
                                         
                   

Night

   For some of us it is late afternoon, for some already it is night.

When the end comes, if there still remain some clear ray of 

consciousness, may we not be rebellious, remembering it is the

time when the natural man, as if in sleep, must return to the 

elements.  In that time may we feel the solace of them that 

journey home after their day of pleasant labor.

   But if there be nothing else after the night has come, and the

bright playlet of life in our brains is blotted out, yet would our

speechless dust be thankful that once it throbbed with life and 

love on the beautiful earth.

   Out there - clear sky, bright stars, and silence.

                                      - Max Ehrman
                                         A Desiderata of Faith
                                         A Collection of Religious poems

Personal Reflection/Insight: 

   The time just before sundown is a perfect moment to spend some quiet time of prayer and self examination.  It is a time to pray for gratitude for all that has been experienced during the day, for all that has been received from life and for all that has been offered in love and service to others.  It is really a moment of grace, joy and thanksgiving.  It is also a time to re assess one's life - its harmony of ideals and practical living, it's reasons for hopes, despair and courage.  It is a time to make some amends by accepting some mistakes done and a time to renew one's strength to carry on the burden of one's life responsibility and goal. In every moment of it as the shadows engulf the skyline, it is time for a deep contemplation into the very core of God's being - love.  Just being in that moment, allowing the last bright rays of the sun covers oneself with so much love and care from the Creator.  And when evening comes, to rest in the contemplation that night is only a prelude to another greater day ahead, that I can rest my heart and mind, knowing that "all will be well".

Thou Whom we call God

thou whom we call God

   Long has been the time since I spoke with Thee,

Thou whom we call God.  Now I soften the stern

face I carry upon the street as a weapon in the struggle

for existence, and I cast out of myself the evil of the

world, all possession, all malice; and I yield up my soul,

as a flower lifts its petals in the twilight of the morning.

   Unbind me from the things of the earth, and let me

through the world like the still stars of the night.

Come Thou near me, as in olden days when I saw Thee

everywhere, in the woods and the sky, and heard Thy voice

in the silence of the fields.  Take my hand and lead me

as my earthly father when my steps were feeble.

Teach me again to love, and make soft my voice with

gentle words.  As a gardener waters his garden,

refresh Thou my soul with tenderness, and bring peace

within the troubled household of my heart.  Knock at

my door in the lonesome night; and as I have need of Thee,

send me forth to others who sit with drooping faces 

at the table of despair and see Thee not.

   This prayer is born of my need; and if indeed 

men convince that Thou are not, and that these words

are spoken but to die unheard, yet have I been answered,

and shall believe that Thou art - Thou whom we call God!

                     - Taken from The Desiderata of Faith

                        A Collection of Religious Poems

                                 Max Ehrman

Personal Reflection:

   After the famous composition of Max Ehrman, the poem Desiderata this one, thou whom we call God comes along with furious portrayal of a soul in constant need of God, of His guidance and help in the ongoing journey of finding, knowing and loving Him to be his effective instrument to assuage the plight of those, "who sit with drooping faces at the table of despair and see Thee not."  In spiritual life as in making a journey through a strange land, one's soul is longing for a home, a familiar place, a place of peace and security, an environment of love and care.  This very home, this very place is in the heart at prayer with God.  Since time immemorial, God has been the solace of those in despair, the light of those in darkness, the joy of those in sadness and sorrow.  The matrix of today's society is mostly pointed to the outward appearance of things, images and profiles of people, dreams and aspirations of greatness, wealth and knowledge.  The true children of God remain unknown, poor, quiet, ordinary, yet they live lives of humility, greatness, heroism anchored in the very strength and power of the One they call God in the recesses of their hearts.  The challenge of the 21st century men and women is to find this God as the author Max Ehrman found Him in the brightness of the stars at night, in the flower lifting up its petals in the twilight of the morning, etc.  In this true essence of the mingling of poetry and prayer is found the true spirit and art of spiritual quest, asking God, "As a gardener waters his garden, refresh Thou my soul with tenderness, and bring peace within the troubled household of my heart."