My Idea of God

  

   Everything is God' expression of Himself as love.  My conception in the womb of my mother, my birth, my childhood, my young life, my adult life, every place, every person I came in contact with, every experience...is a manifestation in human form of that consistent thread, "God is love."
   Yes, for reasons beyond my own limited understanding, life has been unfair on few occasions, which left me with the mistaken feeling of being neglected and being improperly cared for and nurtured.  God, after all is a loving Father, a caring Mother in the vortex of my life.  My needs early on as a child were provided for and I grew up healthy and strong in a town deeply rooted in religion, intellectual pursuits and professionalism.  Out of the abundance of the love of God in my life, I have been blessed and gifted with intelligence, wit and talents for me to have all the coping up mechanisms to make it in real life irregardless of people, places and circumstances around me.
   God is truly love.  God is the flapping yellow butterfly, the singing bird of my awakening, the soaring eagle of my hopes and dreams.  God is the consolation and reprieve of my deepest hurts and pains, the sure and comforting refuge of my tiresome journey.  When I am having those moments when I am down and troubled and I need some help, God comes to me in many disguises.  I receive a letter of encouragement, get a phone call, get a visit from a friend, eat something to be happy about life a "halo-halo" (mixed fruits in ice), a beautiful view of the full moon or the red sunset, etc.  Through the many crossroads of  life, the expressions of the love of God I have the been blessed to experience were wonderful, colorful and amazing.  In my life now, God never ceases to amuse me.  God has brought me to many beautiful places around the world and in every place came along beautiful and wonderful friends and acquaintances. 
   In Italy, where I stayed for two good and exciting years, I have been given a new name, "Amato" which means beloved of God.  In this spiritual name I see the  purpose of my whole life, seeing my life in all the absurdity of the past, the joy of the present and promise of the future in the context of God loving me until the end.  Having received so much loved, I am glad to share God's love to others in every possible way.  Even the most painful of my experiences has been made holy in the covenant of God's love in my life.  My very breath, my very skin and color, my own personality is handcrafted in the very fine and subtle fabric of God's love.  What else can a Master Craftsman produce, if not a masterpiece for His delight and glory?
   Recently, my life has been full of the most pleasant surprises.  I got married to a very lovely and wonderful person.  I became a U.S. citizen in June,2010.  I was able to join a big international convention in San Antonio, Texas in July, 2010.  I was able to become an editor of an international newsletter called World Hello.  My wife and I got the opportunity to move to New Jersey and visit New York City and Atlantic City.  We became much closer in understanding and loving one another despite of unavoidable differences.  Each time we pray, our needs are met and new opportunities come alight.
   Today, I allow myself some quiet time to immerse once again in the depths and wonder of God's love.  I feel in a very real way the great rejuvenation of my inner being, a healing transformation of my manhood, a recurring relaxation of my mind and a prevailing serenity of spirit.  Deep within, besides some minor health issues I am happy and at peace.  I have found the One my soul was longing for in my heartfelt knowledge of the love of God.
   God's love is like a cascading waterfall when it comes to my life in many simple, unique and goose bumps moments.  It comes very real in times when I am able to give myself out of love to someone.  Once, when I was still a Benedictine monk I attended a Regional Charismatic Conference in Glorieta, New Mexico.  In that gathering I volunteered to work for children.  A nun was handling a teaching session and she asked the children if they celebrate their birthdays.  Everyone raised their hands except one boy of about ten years old.  At the end of the session there was a break and I saw the boy's mom with her boy.  I introduced myself to them and spent some time to talk with them.  I found out that the boy's father left them when he was still in the womb of his mom.  The mother asked me to explain to the boy how it happened.  I talked to the boy and told him how at a very young age I was taken away from my parents by my grandmother and I grew up without real parental supervision.  I told him, he was much luckier than I am because he has his mom always besides him.  In that moment, tears rolled down from our eyes as I embraced both the mother and the boy.  There are many other occasions in my life where I felt God is so close to me and also feel the joy and peace that surpasses understanding.  Love and joy come along each time I get out of myself to love another person.  God is no longer just an idea.  He comes fully alive and present in each work of love done and completed.
   

Healing Redemptive Love

Healing Redemptive Love

"LOVE REDEEMS. DESPITE all the lovelessness that surrounds us, nothing has been able to block our longing for love, the intensity of our yearning.  The understanding that love redeems appears to be a resilient aspect of the heart's knowledge.  The healing power of redemptive love lures us and calls us toward the possibility of healing.  We cannot for the presence of the heart's knowledge.  Like all great mysteries, we are all mysteriously called to love no matter the conditions of our lives, the degree of our depravity or despair.  The persistence of this call gives us reason to hope.  Without hope, we cannot return to love.  Breaking our sense of isolation and opening up the window of opportunity, hope provides us with a reason to go forward.  It is a practice of positive thinking.  Being positive, living in a permanent state of hopelessness, renews the spirit.  Renewing our faith in love's promise, hope is our covenant."

                                                                      -  ALL ABOUT LOVE
                                                                         BY BELL HOOKS

Personal Reflection/Insight:
   During the week, most especially at those moments when I was not feeling well due to some physical pain, I took time to think back of my past experiences, making a quick survey how complicated and difficult those moments when I was longing and searching for possible breakthrough of hope.  Then love nestled gently like the rains of early spring in my heart's desert place.  Then and there, I was strengthened, renewed and rejuvenated by uncontainable feelings for another human being.  
   Being married and in a committed love relationship now, at times I pause and look at this person whom God has given me to share my life with.  And to be honest, I am still mesmerized my the mystery and beauty of God reflected in her, the kindness of heart, the comely appearance, the gentle voice, the hearty laughter, the healing hands.  Despite the humble situation we are in our place under the sun, we take it moment by moment to continue to share, care and love one another.  love truly makes life exciting and bearable to live, especially when you share it with the one God has chosen for you.
   The healing process and love's redeeming power comes piece by piece in the daily small gestures of thoughtfulness, understanding, concern and hope for the better promise of tomorrow.  Henri Nouwen's image of the wounder healer comes again in a poignant way.  Struck and wounded by love's error searching in the past, now we become angels of hope, friends of peace, healers of love for each other.  At the resurrection, no wonder why Jesus was so spontaneous in showing his wounded hands, feet and heart to his fearful disciples.  He witnessed to them the true courageous, brave and pure power of love.  He still loves each of them and all of us despite the pain and the death He suffered out of love.  In being apostles of love, we can also be resurrected redeemers of a world bereft of love as it is truly is.

Night

   For some of us it is late afternoon, for some already it is night.

When the end comes, if there still remain some clear ray of 

consciousness, may we not be rebellious, remembering it is the

time when the natural man, as if in sleep, must return to the 

elements.  In that time may we feel the solace of them that 

journey home after their day of pleasant labor.

   But if there be nothing else after the night has come, and the

bright playlet of life in our brains is blotted out, yet would our

speechless dust be thankful that once it throbbed with life and 

love on the beautiful earth.

   Out there - clear sky, bright stars, and silence.

                                      - Max Ehrman
                                         A Desiderata of Faith
                                         A Collection of Religious poems

Personal Reflection/Insight: 

   The time just before sundown is a perfect moment to spend some quiet time of prayer and self examination.  It is a time to pray for gratitude for all that has been experienced during the day, for all that has been received from life and for all that has been offered in love and service to others.  It is really a moment of grace, joy and thanksgiving.  It is also a time to re assess one's life - its harmony of ideals and practical living, it's reasons for hopes, despair and courage.  It is a time to make some amends by accepting some mistakes done and a time to renew one's strength to carry on the burden of one's life responsibility and goal. In every moment of it as the shadows engulf the skyline, it is time for a deep contemplation into the very core of God's being - love.  Just being in that moment, allowing the last bright rays of the sun covers oneself with so much love and care from the Creator.  And when evening comes, to rest in the contemplation that night is only a prelude to another greater day ahead, that I can rest my heart and mind, knowing that "all will be well".

Thou Whom we call God

thou whom we call God

   Long has been the time since I spoke with Thee,

Thou whom we call God.  Now I soften the stern

face I carry upon the street as a weapon in the struggle

for existence, and I cast out of myself the evil of the

world, all possession, all malice; and I yield up my soul,

as a flower lifts its petals in the twilight of the morning.

   Unbind me from the things of the earth, and let me

through the world like the still stars of the night.

Come Thou near me, as in olden days when I saw Thee

everywhere, in the woods and the sky, and heard Thy voice

in the silence of the fields.  Take my hand and lead me

as my earthly father when my steps were feeble.

Teach me again to love, and make soft my voice with

gentle words.  As a gardener waters his garden,

refresh Thou my soul with tenderness, and bring peace

within the troubled household of my heart.  Knock at

my door in the lonesome night; and as I have need of Thee,

send me forth to others who sit with drooping faces 

at the table of despair and see Thee not.

   This prayer is born of my need; and if indeed 

men convince that Thou are not, and that these words

are spoken but to die unheard, yet have I been answered,

and shall believe that Thou art - Thou whom we call God!

                     - Taken from The Desiderata of Faith

                        A Collection of Religious Poems

                                 Max Ehrman

Personal Reflection:

   After the famous composition of Max Ehrman, the poem Desiderata this one, thou whom we call God comes along with furious portrayal of a soul in constant need of God, of His guidance and help in the ongoing journey of finding, knowing and loving Him to be his effective instrument to assuage the plight of those, "who sit with drooping faces at the table of despair and see Thee not."  In spiritual life as in making a journey through a strange land, one's soul is longing for a home, a familiar place, a place of peace and security, an environment of love and care.  This very home, this very place is in the heart at prayer with God.  Since time immemorial, God has been the solace of those in despair, the light of those in darkness, the joy of those in sadness and sorrow.  The matrix of today's society is mostly pointed to the outward appearance of things, images and profiles of people, dreams and aspirations of greatness, wealth and knowledge.  The true children of God remain unknown, poor, quiet, ordinary, yet they live lives of humility, greatness, heroism anchored in the very strength and power of the One they call God in the recesses of their hearts.  The challenge of the 21st century men and women is to find this God as the author Max Ehrman found Him in the brightness of the stars at night, in the flower lifting up its petals in the twilight of the morning, etc.  In this true essence of the mingling of poetry and prayer is found the true spirit and art of spiritual quest, asking God, "As a gardener waters his garden, refresh Thou my soul with tenderness, and bring peace within the troubled household of my heart."

Remember that Everything Has God's Fingerprints on It

Remember that Everything Has God's Fingerprints on It

   Rabbi Harold Kushner reminds us that everything that God has created is potentially holy.  Our task as humans is to find that holiness in what appear to be unholy situations.  He suggests that when we can learn to do this, we will have learned to nurture our souls.  It's easy to see God's beauty in a beautiful sunrise, a snow-capped mountain, the smile of a healthy child, or in ocean waves crashing on a sandy beach.  But we can learn to find holiness in seemingly ugly circumstances - difficult life lessons, a family tragedy, or a struggle for life?

   When our life is filled with the desire to see holiness in everyday things, something magical begins to happen.  A feeling of peace emerges.  We begin to see nurturing aspects of daily living that were previously hidden to us.  When we remember that everything has God's fingerprints on it, that alone makes it special.  If we remember this spiritual fact while we are dealing with a difficult person or struggling to pay our bills, it broadens our perspective.  It helps us to remember that God also created the person you are dealing with or that, despite your struggle to pay your bills, you are truly blessed to have all that you do.

   Somewhere in the back of our mind, try to remember that everything has God's fingerprints on it.  The fact that we can't see the beauty in something doesn't suggest that it's not there.  Rather, it suggests that we are not looking carefully enough or with a broad enough perspective to see it.

               - Taken from Don't Sweat the Small Stuff ... and it's all small stuff - By Richard Carlson, Ph.D.

Personal Reflection/Comments:

  

   Once in a while I try to put down my thoughts in writing after reading something out of a book I am reading for my daily meditation.  Sometimes, I feel it is good to write how I am touched by God through the writings of another person.  In life, fingerprints are usually invisible to the normal human eye unless one takes a closer microscopic view of something our fingers come in contact with.  If this is so true with us humans, how much more with God's fingerprints in the daily events and situations of our lives.  Honestly, I have moments when I cried out to God in the dark, and shouting out my incapacity to see His presence, most especially in the struggles and difficulties of my life.  It takes a little while before I can recognize God's fingerprints uncovered underneath the camouflage of pain or sorrow.  Yes, it is indeed true that it is much easier to see God's mark in the beauty of life that abounds.  However, one has to invest a lot of faith searching and prayerful  cruising before the heart can rest in the peace of God amidst the restlessness and confusion of the human condition.

   In my life story is contained the mysterious power of God's redeeming love.  In all its beauty and intermissions of pain, brokenness and illness, God's fingerprints made everything holy and ingredient for my spiritual growth.  I am fully aware today that I cannot take for granted my ongoing quest to see God's signature in every experience of my life.  When I was just a little boy I have a simple dream of living in a peaceful and quiet place abounding in beauty and abundance of God's delights.  In my real adult life I experienced quite the contrary.  I have been into situations I dared not even want to be, seeming hopeless ordeal of my human spirit, yet not without God's love and grace to save and bring me to a safe and secure dwelling place for my weary soul.

   The more I delve into life's realities and live through its mysteries, the more I discover and experience the giftedness of life, in all its stark reality of contradictions and unfathomable reasons and purposes.  But in the light of God's love, kindness and goodness, I am beginning to understand, all is well and everything is good, because God's fingerprints are always present.  My soul rejoices in God my savior, my heart sings a song of joy and thanksgiving to God for cuddling me like an infant as a mother cradles her baby.

Performing the Work of God during the day

A time of grace in my life, I spent as a Benedictine monk in Pecos Benedictine Monastery, Pecos, New Mexico (2005-2007). In my period of Novitiate there I learned about the Rule of St. Benedict. In Chapter 16 of the Rule, St. Benedict tried to reflect on the question: How the Work of God is to be performed during the day. In reading the Rule, each one of us first reads it as a Lectio Divina. One of the important moments in Lectio Divina is to ponder on a word or a phrase. In this particular chapter, as I spent some quiet time praying over it, I underlined the Bible verse, "Seven times a day, I have given you praise." (Psalm 119:164)In performing the work of God, the first act is to praise him. And what is praise? According to a comment on this chapter, "Praise is the joyful overflow of a heart filled with gratitude and delight." Psalm 119 and the spirit of praise in it recalls us to our center, who is God Himself and His Kingdom within. The number seven is a sacred number which in jewish mind is perfection or completion. As Benedictine monks we take time to pray seven times a day and we are aware that in our recollection and singing of the psalms it is our common act of embodying both the perfection of our persons and the glory of God. In our worship of God together and with those who join us we witness how mighty and how loving is the God who was and is and will be. At the end of the Lectio Divina on this, I wrote my Prayer/Response and I gladly share it with you:

A joyful song stirs
from within my heart's portals
sounding forth
bursting of awe
wordless echoes
tearless cries
brightness of lights
of my soul's awakening
from a slumber
and fatigue of yesterday's
bleak, stormy, restless nights.
So this morning
I sing my song of praise
to you my Lord
and I delight
in giving thanks
for this new beginning,
so peaceful in its unfolding
so gentle in its embraces
so calm in its assurances
of your never exhausting love!
My soul praises you
Mighty fortress in my weakness
Flowing river of my dryness
Solid rock of my defences
Full moon of my quietness
Golden valley of my playfulness
White mountain of my emptiness
Oh Holy Presence of my world,
blessing, sanctifying this moment
at day's beginning
all praise to you now and forever!

- B. Sagra

Choices

This very moment
I can make
the art of a good choice
I choose to be
what God destined me to be
I choose to deny self
take up my cross
and follow the footsteps
of Him
who went around
doing good
resisting evil
by the power of God's Word
having no place to call a home
He found a dwelling place
in the hearts of those
who believe He is the Son of God.
His word is gentle
and His heart is singled, focused
only in doing the Father's will.
He learned loveand respect of women
from Mary who gave birth to Him
in a manger and reared Him up
in purity and meekness as her son.
When His moment has come
to offer Himself as atonement for our sins
He willingly drank the cup
of suffering.
He was counted as a criminal
mocked and spitted on the face
nailed to the cross and died
so that the sins of many will be taken away
including yours and mine.
Oh my soul
what are you waiting for?
Can you bear the sight of Him
who is God - Love Eternal
in the greatest agony
and self giving and still be cold
to make your own self offering
for others?
My hands are numbed
my heart is still
and my soul at peace now.
I have made my choice
to love only Jesus Forsaken
and be the love he gave
especially for my wife and family
and for those He will call me to love and serve.