Yes, for reasons beyond my own limited understanding, life has been unfair on few occasions, which left me with the mistaken feeling of being neglected and being improperly cared for and nurtured. God, after all is a loving Father, a caring Mother in the vortex of my life. My needs early on as a child were provided for and I grew up healthy and strong in a town deeply rooted in religion, intellectual pursuits and professionalism. Out of the abundance of the love of God in my life, I have been blessed and gifted with intelligence, wit and talents for me to have all the coping up mechanisms to make it in real life irregardless of people, places and circumstances around me.
God is truly love. God is the flapping yellow butterfly, the singing bird of my awakening, the soaring eagle of my hopes and dreams. God is the consolation and reprieve of my deepest hurts and pains, the sure and comforting refuge of my tiresome journey. When I am having those moments when I am down and troubled and I need some help, God comes to me in many disguises. I receive a letter of encouragement, get a phone call, get a visit from a friend, eat something to be happy about life a "halo-halo" (mixed fruits in ice), a beautiful view of the full moon or the red sunset, etc. Through the many crossroads of life, the expressions of the love of God I have the been blessed to experience were wonderful, colorful and amazing. In my life now, God never ceases to amuse me. God has brought me to many beautiful places around the world and in every place came along beautiful and wonderful friends and acquaintances.
In Italy, where I stayed for two good and exciting years, I have been given a new name, "Amato" which means beloved of God. In this spiritual name I see the purpose of my whole life, seeing my life in all the absurdity of the past, the joy of the present and promise of the future in the context of God loving me until the end. Having received so much loved, I am glad to share God's love to others in every possible way. Even the most painful of my experiences has been made holy in the covenant of God's love in my life. My very breath, my very skin and color, my own personality is handcrafted in the very fine and subtle fabric of God's love. What else can a Master Craftsman produce, if not a masterpiece for His delight and glory?
Recently, my life has been full of the most pleasant surprises. I got married to a very lovely and wonderful person. I became a U.S. citizen in June,2010. I was able to join a big international convention in San Antonio, Texas in July, 2010. I was able to become an editor of an international newsletter called World Hello. My wife and I got the opportunity to move to New Jersey and visit New York City and Atlantic City. We became much closer in understanding and loving one another despite of unavoidable differences. Each time we pray, our needs are met and new opportunities come alight.
Today, I allow myself some quiet time to immerse once again in the depths and wonder of God's love. I feel in a very real way the great rejuvenation of my inner being, a healing transformation of my manhood, a recurring relaxation of my mind and a prevailing serenity of spirit. Deep within, besides some minor health issues I am happy and at peace. I have found the One my soul was longing for in my heartfelt knowledge of the love of God.
God's love is like a cascading waterfall when it comes to my life in many simple, unique and goose bumps moments. It comes very real in times when I am able to give myself out of love to someone. Once, when I was still a Benedictine monk I attended a Regional Charismatic Conference in Glorieta, New Mexico. In that gathering I volunteered to work for children. A nun was handling a teaching session and she asked the children if they celebrate their birthdays. Everyone raised their hands except one boy of about ten years old. At the end of the session there was a break and I saw the boy's mom with her boy. I introduced myself to them and spent some time to talk with them. I found out that the boy's father left them when he was still in the womb of his mom. The mother asked me to explain to the boy how it happened. I talked to the boy and told him how at a very young age I was taken away from my parents by my grandmother and I grew up without real parental supervision. I told him, he was much luckier than I am because he has his mom always besides him. In that moment, tears rolled down from our eyes as I embraced both the mother and the boy. There are many other occasions in my life where I felt God is so close to me and also feel the joy and peace that surpasses understanding. Love and joy come along each time I get out of myself to love another person. God is no longer just an idea. He comes fully alive and present in each work of love done and completed.
