My Idea of God

  

   Everything is God' expression of Himself as love.  My conception in the womb of my mother, my birth, my childhood, my young life, my adult life, every place, every person I came in contact with, every experience...is a manifestation in human form of that consistent thread, "God is love."
   Yes, for reasons beyond my own limited understanding, life has been unfair on few occasions, which left me with the mistaken feeling of being neglected and being improperly cared for and nurtured.  God, after all is a loving Father, a caring Mother in the vortex of my life.  My needs early on as a child were provided for and I grew up healthy and strong in a town deeply rooted in religion, intellectual pursuits and professionalism.  Out of the abundance of the love of God in my life, I have been blessed and gifted with intelligence, wit and talents for me to have all the coping up mechanisms to make it in real life irregardless of people, places and circumstances around me.
   God is truly love.  God is the flapping yellow butterfly, the singing bird of my awakening, the soaring eagle of my hopes and dreams.  God is the consolation and reprieve of my deepest hurts and pains, the sure and comforting refuge of my tiresome journey.  When I am having those moments when I am down and troubled and I need some help, God comes to me in many disguises.  I receive a letter of encouragement, get a phone call, get a visit from a friend, eat something to be happy about life a "halo-halo" (mixed fruits in ice), a beautiful view of the full moon or the red sunset, etc.  Through the many crossroads of  life, the expressions of the love of God I have the been blessed to experience were wonderful, colorful and amazing.  In my life now, God never ceases to amuse me.  God has brought me to many beautiful places around the world and in every place came along beautiful and wonderful friends and acquaintances. 
   In Italy, where I stayed for two good and exciting years, I have been given a new name, "Amato" which means beloved of God.  In this spiritual name I see the  purpose of my whole life, seeing my life in all the absurdity of the past, the joy of the present and promise of the future in the context of God loving me until the end.  Having received so much loved, I am glad to share God's love to others in every possible way.  Even the most painful of my experiences has been made holy in the covenant of God's love in my life.  My very breath, my very skin and color, my own personality is handcrafted in the very fine and subtle fabric of God's love.  What else can a Master Craftsman produce, if not a masterpiece for His delight and glory?
   Recently, my life has been full of the most pleasant surprises.  I got married to a very lovely and wonderful person.  I became a U.S. citizen in June,2010.  I was able to join a big international convention in San Antonio, Texas in July, 2010.  I was able to become an editor of an international newsletter called World Hello.  My wife and I got the opportunity to move to New Jersey and visit New York City and Atlantic City.  We became much closer in understanding and loving one another despite of unavoidable differences.  Each time we pray, our needs are met and new opportunities come alight.
   Today, I allow myself some quiet time to immerse once again in the depths and wonder of God's love.  I feel in a very real way the great rejuvenation of my inner being, a healing transformation of my manhood, a recurring relaxation of my mind and a prevailing serenity of spirit.  Deep within, besides some minor health issues I am happy and at peace.  I have found the One my soul was longing for in my heartfelt knowledge of the love of God.
   God's love is like a cascading waterfall when it comes to my life in many simple, unique and goose bumps moments.  It comes very real in times when I am able to give myself out of love to someone.  Once, when I was still a Benedictine monk I attended a Regional Charismatic Conference in Glorieta, New Mexico.  In that gathering I volunteered to work for children.  A nun was handling a teaching session and she asked the children if they celebrate their birthdays.  Everyone raised their hands except one boy of about ten years old.  At the end of the session there was a break and I saw the boy's mom with her boy.  I introduced myself to them and spent some time to talk with them.  I found out that the boy's father left them when he was still in the womb of his mom.  The mother asked me to explain to the boy how it happened.  I talked to the boy and told him how at a very young age I was taken away from my parents by my grandmother and I grew up without real parental supervision.  I told him, he was much luckier than I am because he has his mom always besides him.  In that moment, tears rolled down from our eyes as I embraced both the mother and the boy.  There are many other occasions in my life where I felt God is so close to me and also feel the joy and peace that surpasses understanding.  Love and joy come along each time I get out of myself to love another person.  God is no longer just an idea.  He comes fully alive and present in each work of love done and completed.
   

Healing Redemptive Love

Healing Redemptive Love

"LOVE REDEEMS. DESPITE all the lovelessness that surrounds us, nothing has been able to block our longing for love, the intensity of our yearning.  The understanding that love redeems appears to be a resilient aspect of the heart's knowledge.  The healing power of redemptive love lures us and calls us toward the possibility of healing.  We cannot for the presence of the heart's knowledge.  Like all great mysteries, we are all mysteriously called to love no matter the conditions of our lives, the degree of our depravity or despair.  The persistence of this call gives us reason to hope.  Without hope, we cannot return to love.  Breaking our sense of isolation and opening up the window of opportunity, hope provides us with a reason to go forward.  It is a practice of positive thinking.  Being positive, living in a permanent state of hopelessness, renews the spirit.  Renewing our faith in love's promise, hope is our covenant."

                                                                      -  ALL ABOUT LOVE
                                                                         BY BELL HOOKS

Personal Reflection/Insight:
   During the week, most especially at those moments when I was not feeling well due to some physical pain, I took time to think back of my past experiences, making a quick survey how complicated and difficult those moments when I was longing and searching for possible breakthrough of hope.  Then love nestled gently like the rains of early spring in my heart's desert place.  Then and there, I was strengthened, renewed and rejuvenated by uncontainable feelings for another human being.  
   Being married and in a committed love relationship now, at times I pause and look at this person whom God has given me to share my life with.  And to be honest, I am still mesmerized my the mystery and beauty of God reflected in her, the kindness of heart, the comely appearance, the gentle voice, the hearty laughter, the healing hands.  Despite the humble situation we are in our place under the sun, we take it moment by moment to continue to share, care and love one another.  love truly makes life exciting and bearable to live, especially when you share it with the one God has chosen for you.
   The healing process and love's redeeming power comes piece by piece in the daily small gestures of thoughtfulness, understanding, concern and hope for the better promise of tomorrow.  Henri Nouwen's image of the wounder healer comes again in a poignant way.  Struck and wounded by love's error searching in the past, now we become angels of hope, friends of peace, healers of love for each other.  At the resurrection, no wonder why Jesus was so spontaneous in showing his wounded hands, feet and heart to his fearful disciples.  He witnessed to them the true courageous, brave and pure power of love.  He still loves each of them and all of us despite the pain and the death He suffered out of love.  In being apostles of love, we can also be resurrected redeemers of a world bereft of love as it is truly is.

Ships Returning Home

ships returning

                                      home

   We all are ships returning home laden with
life's experiences, memories of work, good times
and sorrows, each with his special cargo;
  And it is our common lot to show the marks
of the voyage, here a shattered prow, there 
a patched rigging, and every hulk turned black 
by the unceasing batter of the restless wave.
  May we be thankful for fair weather and smooth
seas, and in times of storm have the courage
and patience that mark every good mariner;
  And, over all, may we have the cheering hope
of joyful meetings, as our ship at last drops anchor
in the still water of the eternal harbor.

                               - Max Ehrmann
                                 The Desiderata of Faith

Personal Comment & Reflection:
  The image of coming home is a very ordinary life phenomenon.  Part of man's restlessness of being is that he is always on a certain quest, on a journey, or going out even to far and unknown places to find food for his family and meaning for his life.  Coming home is the easier and relaxing part and as Max Ehrmann said like ships we return home bringing with us our experiences.  It is not just physical coming home, it can also be spiritual.  Each of us has a spiritual abode, the Kingdom of God within.  Prayer is the way for this coming home and writing too.  As we bring our experiences of the day in prayer, we stand or simply sit humbly before God, knowing that every moment lived with awareness and a listening heart becomes a road to a holy walk with God at every juncture of our life's experience.  Out of the depths of our inner longings, joys and hopes, we echo to our ever loving and listening God our songs of praise, our cry for forgiveness, our acceptance of people, things and situations and our aspirations for better days ahead.  Yes, as we come home to God in prayer, we also come home to our true self, God's apple of His loving eyes!

                                       -  Bobby Parian Sagra
                                         
                   

Night

   For some of us it is late afternoon, for some already it is night.

When the end comes, if there still remain some clear ray of 

consciousness, may we not be rebellious, remembering it is the

time when the natural man, as if in sleep, must return to the 

elements.  In that time may we feel the solace of them that 

journey home after their day of pleasant labor.

   But if there be nothing else after the night has come, and the

bright playlet of life in our brains is blotted out, yet would our

speechless dust be thankful that once it throbbed with life and 

love on the beautiful earth.

   Out there - clear sky, bright stars, and silence.

                                      - Max Ehrman
                                         A Desiderata of Faith
                                         A Collection of Religious poems

Personal Reflection/Insight: 

   The time just before sundown is a perfect moment to spend some quiet time of prayer and self examination.  It is a time to pray for gratitude for all that has been experienced during the day, for all that has been received from life and for all that has been offered in love and service to others.  It is really a moment of grace, joy and thanksgiving.  It is also a time to re assess one's life - its harmony of ideals and practical living, it's reasons for hopes, despair and courage.  It is a time to make some amends by accepting some mistakes done and a time to renew one's strength to carry on the burden of one's life responsibility and goal. In every moment of it as the shadows engulf the skyline, it is time for a deep contemplation into the very core of God's being - love.  Just being in that moment, allowing the last bright rays of the sun covers oneself with so much love and care from the Creator.  And when evening comes, to rest in the contemplation that night is only a prelude to another greater day ahead, that I can rest my heart and mind, knowing that "all will be well".

Thou Whom we call God

thou whom we call God

   Long has been the time since I spoke with Thee,

Thou whom we call God.  Now I soften the stern

face I carry upon the street as a weapon in the struggle

for existence, and I cast out of myself the evil of the

world, all possession, all malice; and I yield up my soul,

as a flower lifts its petals in the twilight of the morning.

   Unbind me from the things of the earth, and let me

through the world like the still stars of the night.

Come Thou near me, as in olden days when I saw Thee

everywhere, in the woods and the sky, and heard Thy voice

in the silence of the fields.  Take my hand and lead me

as my earthly father when my steps were feeble.

Teach me again to love, and make soft my voice with

gentle words.  As a gardener waters his garden,

refresh Thou my soul with tenderness, and bring peace

within the troubled household of my heart.  Knock at

my door in the lonesome night; and as I have need of Thee,

send me forth to others who sit with drooping faces 

at the table of despair and see Thee not.

   This prayer is born of my need; and if indeed 

men convince that Thou are not, and that these words

are spoken but to die unheard, yet have I been answered,

and shall believe that Thou art - Thou whom we call God!

                     - Taken from The Desiderata of Faith

                        A Collection of Religious Poems

                                 Max Ehrman

Personal Reflection:

   After the famous composition of Max Ehrman, the poem Desiderata this one, thou whom we call God comes along with furious portrayal of a soul in constant need of God, of His guidance and help in the ongoing journey of finding, knowing and loving Him to be his effective instrument to assuage the plight of those, "who sit with drooping faces at the table of despair and see Thee not."  In spiritual life as in making a journey through a strange land, one's soul is longing for a home, a familiar place, a place of peace and security, an environment of love and care.  This very home, this very place is in the heart at prayer with God.  Since time immemorial, God has been the solace of those in despair, the light of those in darkness, the joy of those in sadness and sorrow.  The matrix of today's society is mostly pointed to the outward appearance of things, images and profiles of people, dreams and aspirations of greatness, wealth and knowledge.  The true children of God remain unknown, poor, quiet, ordinary, yet they live lives of humility, greatness, heroism anchored in the very strength and power of the One they call God in the recesses of their hearts.  The challenge of the 21st century men and women is to find this God as the author Max Ehrman found Him in the brightness of the stars at night, in the flower lifting up its petals in the twilight of the morning, etc.  In this true essence of the mingling of poetry and prayer is found the true spirit and art of spiritual quest, asking God, "As a gardener waters his garden, refresh Thou my soul with tenderness, and bring peace within the troubled household of my heart."

GIVE ME WARMTH - A Winter Prayer

For all warm things of this season I thank you, Lord

For the warmth of my house as I come cold from shopping.

For the fragrant warmth of my kitchen as I turn on the oven and sift and measure and stir and bake.  

For the snug warmth of the bedrooms where (finally, after much commotion) 

my children sleep.

For the warmth of this cup steaming coffee in my hand

as I settle down (exhausted, not at last) before the fire that dances

so warm and festive on the grate.

And for warm clothes, Lord.  

These slippers, this robe -

all the untidy closets bursting.  

That car coat tossed across a chair.  

And the car itself, a warm car to take us places

(once we get it started). 

And those warm places:  the homes of neighbors, friends, a warm church to worship in.

And the warm people there.  The warm smiles and greetings.  

The generosity and kindness of people everywhere.

I am full of warmth, Lord.  It comforts me.  It calms me.

It makes me feel aglow almost as rosy as the embers in the fireplace.

I want all people to be warm and rested and at peace.

Thank you for this blessed season of warmth

in the midst of so much that is chill and stormy.  

Let it draw all of us together against the coming cold.

- by Marjorie Holmes, from her book 

Hold Me Up a Little Longer, Lord

Personal Reflection:  (By Bobby Sagra)

The holiday season has become so commercialized

There is an air of excitement everywhere with last minute Christmas shopping and hitting all routes to be home for Christmas.

In southern Philippines, where over a thousand lives stopped breathing, after a sudden flood caused by swift storm

the people left behind bury their dead and pick up the leftover pieces of there shattered and devastated lives,

and some with meager strength celebrate Christmas with feelings of brokenness, not even having a "a room in the inn"

just a roof over their heads, warming themselves as they hug and cry, as they pray and hope for some aid to come.

As we come to pray, and worship God this Christmas.

Let us not forget that in the atmosphere of joy around, there is sigh of loss and pain somewhere, in the plenty and fullness of it all, there is want and emptiness beneath it, in all wish and desire to be home, there is some unavoidable barrier, but in the end, it is truly love that keeps the heart warm, it is really love that gives true meaning and joy, it is only love that can unite every family and heal each pang of sorrow.  For even on Christmas there are still children left orphans,
people staying on hospital beds, in prisons or out there somehow lost in the darkness of the night, waiting for some comfort of love and joy.  After all,  there is no better place to celebrate Christmas

than being at home, with our loved ones, to stay together

in mutual love and self giving.  Let us have a merry Christmas as we worship the Baby Jesus lying in the manger.

Prayer in Spiritual Direction - A Spiritual Teaching given to the participants of the Summer School for Spiritual Direction at the Pecos Benedictine Monastery, Pecos, New Mexico, USA June 2007 in my stint as Director of the School

Introduction:

"I lift up my eyes to the hills - where does my help come from?  My help comes from the Lord, the Maker of heaven and earth...the Lord will watch over your coming and going both now and forevermore." (Psalm 121:1,8)

   Prayer is the beginning, the home and end of Spiritual Direction.  When I do Spiritual Direction to someone, I always start with a simple and sincere prayer invoking the help and guidance of God.  Then, during the course of the Spiritual Direction, I maintain a prayerful listening of my mind and heart to what my directee is sharing.  At the end of a Spiritual Direction session, I always ask my directee to say a closing prayer out of his or her creative expression.  In between, the Spiritual Direction session, in my own personal personal prayer, I think and pray about the person of my directee.  I thought of what transpired during the session.  What were the highlights of it and possible strategies and direction needed to be done.

1.  One of the best qualities of a good Spiritual Director is that he/she is a person deeply rooted in prayer as part of the daily discipline.  In my own personal practice of prayer, I spend one hour of Zen meditat6ion each day, another hour of Lectio Divina and another hour of Adoration of the Blessed Sacrament.  Spiritual Direction  is a holy conversation seeking the will of God for the life of the directee.  A lot of inner listening is involved.  I can only be a good Spiritual Director if I am living a life of prayer.  In the movie, "Dancing with the wolves", there is a part which depicts the image of the Spiritual Director as interpreter of the language between God and the directee, when Stands with Fist bridged the gap between the Indian Chief and the American soldier.  In Spiritual Direction, how can I best interpret the language of the heart between the directee and God, if my personal life is not steeped in prayer?

2.  The Art of Prayer in the Art of Spiritual Direction

According to C.S. Lewis, "The greatest of all arts is the direction of souls."  The soul of each person is a great treasure to uncover like a pearl deeply imbedded in the oriental waters of Sulu.  The beauty of Spiritual Direction is in the adventure of a lifetime of leading forth a soul to the light of a new day, according to the design for living God has intended or planned.  If Prayer is an art of listening for example, Spiritual Direction is also an art of listening.  In Prayer, one listens to God.  In Spiritual Direction, one listens to the directee, and in the process of listening, one tries to discern the stirrings of God's Spirit, will and purpose being revealed in the story being told by the directee.  Prayer is the subtle art of being still and quiet, so is Spiritual Direction.  In an atmosphere of silence, the Spiritual Director creates the hospitality of the heart of God in the room - welcoming the directee with all love, acceptance, understanding, comfort and friendship.  Prayer is the holy corner of "Divine Milieu" to paraphrase Teilhard di Chardin, S.J. where the divine light revolves.  Spiritual Direction is also a space of light where every darkness, shadow, doubt, fear anxiety in the deepest nook and corner of the heart of the directee is despelled in the regular face to face meeting of searching and fearless inquiry into making the unknown known, of letting the truth come alive, of letting God be God.

3.  Praying for the directee outside of Spiritual Direction

In my experience and practice as a Spiritual Director, I bring to my own personal prayer, every soul that God brought into my life to direct.  In my prayer time, I try to recall the session I have with my directee.  I asked the Holy Spirit to enlighten my mind what to say next time I meet the person.  I try to put myself in every person of the directee before God, begging for some guidance and comfort in the humble atttitude that what my directee  is carrying right now I also carry as a burden in my heart, mind and soul.  This is what I call compassionate Spiritual Direction in the context of prayer, my own prayer time as a Spiritual Director.  The grandeur and beauty of Spiritual Direction is that I journey with the soul spiritually even at a distance and the time and space spent outside of a Spiritual Direction session is as much as important as the session spent together.

4.  Growth in Prayer Life as a goal in Spiritual Direction

Another experience I have as a Spiritual Director is to see to it that my directee develops a disciplined lifestyle of prayer.  One of the questions I usually ask in Spiritual Direction is - How is your life of prayer?  Here, I conceive prayer as an intimacy with God whom we know loves us, to allude to what St. Teresa of Avila said about prayer.  One of the common issues brought about in Spiritual Direction is dryness in prayer.  As a Spiritual Director I have to give reminder that this dryness in prayer is normal in such stage of life.  At times, the directee cannot even able to pray due to some experience of grief or loss.  As a Spiritual Director I have to be ready to teach a simple one liner prayer like, "Lord, I surrender", "Thy will, not mine be done!"  In some cases a directee maybe be angry with God and blames God for a painful experience in life.  Here, as a Spiritual Director I will gently encourage my directee to even express this feeling of anger in talking with God, to simply be honest before God and say and angry prayerful expression like, "Why me Lord?" or "Lord, I'm mad at you!" and then take a deep breath and be silent to hear, feel and know that no matter what, nothing is lost in the economy of God's love, that everything works out for good in the end and that more will be revealed in the realm of God's comforting love.

5.  Asking the directee to pray over me

In my experience as a Spiritual Director, it is a fact that I receive more from my directee more than I have given in the course of our sessions.  One of the things that Mother Teresa and her Missionaries of Charity sisters discovered in giving charity to the poorest of the poor like those who are sick and elderly is that they received more than what they have given.  The same is true with Spiritual Direction.  I discovered that after I have helped a poor soul for a while and allowed the true beauty and splendor of hi/her soul to shine through, this very soul has a lot of gifts and blessings to share for the enrichment and grown of my own spiritual journey.  So, I always asked my directee to pray over me before we end our session.  I humbly kneel or bow my head and let my directee pray over me in ways and inspiration of the the Spirit of God in the heart of my directee.  There were times, depending on need that I hear praying words of healing, or encouragement in my faith journey, or even prophesy of what may come.  This brings me to a conclusion that part of the relationship between a Spiritual Director and a directee is a relationship of mutual support in the spiritual journey.  I may not be able to explicitly express to my directee my own spiritual woes or struggle at the moment, but I can experience that somehow my directee has the eyes and ears of the heart to comprehend what I am going through.  I am often amazed how my directee will pray exactly for what I need spritually at the time.

6.  Building a Fellowship of Prayer

Out of the exchange of prayers in Spiritual Direction, what is formed is a Fellowship of Prayer among those I direct with myself and among them.  A spiritual community among us is born.  We may not be seeing each other again, but we stay united in prayer wherever we are in the world.  The fruit of good Spiritual Direction is creating a family of God among souls.  I become a father or mother to my many spiritual sons and daughters, or a brother among spiritual brothers and sisters, or simply a friend among friends.  With the internet technology we can continue to keep in touch and create a spiritual network among us.

Conclusion:

Spiritual Direction is my own skillful, artistic, creative, unique and responsible way of parenting a soul to grow and mature according to God's beautiful plan, dream or purpose.  It is a full time responsibility in the matrix of prayer and direction and a co-responsibility partner in spiritual living.  A listening prayerful heart is a must in Spiritual Direction.  Care and love go with it too.  As a Spiritual Director, parenting a soul by being a friend I walk with day by day is being in tune with the dictum, "Don't walk ahead of me, I will not follow.  Don't walk behind me, I will not lead.  But just walk by my side and be my friend."